True Blood Season 7 Episode 9 “Love is to Die”: My Unsolicited Review

Lafayette-Fabulous-Side-Eye

“As much as I appreciate a compelling character drama… need I remind you to keep the fuck down volume-wise?” – Pam De Beaufort.

That quote pretty much summed up this episode. True Blood almost completely did away with action, and opted for a more character-driven episode. As most of you know, my favourite types of stories are those heavily motivated by character development, but in this case, I think that this decision was both good and bad. It was good because, as this is the very final season, there are a lot of character storylines that really needed the closure (Hoyt and Jessica for instance); at the same time, considering that there is only one episode left in the series, there seems to be far too much that hasn’t been resolved action-wise, to be left for only one episode, and I’m afraid that the show may wind up ending on a disappointing and unanswered note.

This episode picked up where last week’s left off – with Bill refusing to accept Sarah’s healing blood. Even though a lifeline was literally being thrown in his face, he was still opting to die from his Hep V infection. Sookie got in two really great slaps to his face, but Eric totally ruined it by stopping her third, because Bill deserved at least a good dozen more. What infuriates me most about his decision is that it’s a completely selfish move, yet the idiot is under the genuine impression that he’s doing it for selfless reasons… ugh, I swear, at this point I think he deserves the true death. Realising that he wasn’t going to change his mind, Jessica asks Bill to release her, which he did without argument. In his defence, the little speech that he gave her before releasing her was quite lovely, and very true… Jessica has come a remarkably long way as a vampire from the petulant little brat who got a thrill from finally being able to use swear words.

Sookie and Jessica then decide to go off to Sam’s trailer (I don’t really see where that came in, but let’s go along with it), where they found all his stuff gone, and two letters lying on his coffee table – one addressed to Sookie, and the other to Andy. In Sookie’s letter, Sam reveals that he’d gone off to Chicago with Nicole, because it was now time for him to live for his daughter, and teach her everything that he’d learned in life. It was a beautiful letter, but honestly made Sam’s departure feel rushed and somewhat incomplete.

Jess and Sookie then head off to Merlotte’s Bellefleur’s to inform everyone of Sam’s departure, and give Andy his letter. Though Sookie warns him that hers had been quite sad, and suggests that he reads his in private, it hilariously turns out to be nothing more than a curt and perfunctory resignation as mayor. While that was going on, things took a slightly awkward turn when Jessica found James and Lafayette together. However, the awkwardness didn’t last for long, and James and Jessica were able to put an amicable end to everything that happened. It was all kinds of awws when Jessica asked James if he and Lafayette were happy, and James responded, “Yeah, I think we will be.” At that, she realises that she really hadn’t cared for James as much as she should have… as much as she had for Hoyt. She then leaves the bar and goes to Hoyt’s house to remind him of what they once had. Her timing, of course, couldn’t have been worse, because Hoyt and Brigitte had only a moment before resolved a heated argument about her, with Hoyt insisting that he’d never met her before. Now, I’ve always shipped Hoyt and Jessica (far more than Jessica and Jason, and definitely a hell of a lot more than Jessica and James), so I was happy that Hoyt was finally being reminded of their past, but it was a total dick move on Jessica’s part to tell him in front of his girlfriend! I mean, if Brigitte had flown out of the house and staked Jessica right then and there, I wouldn’t have faulted her in the least. However, with unparalleled restraint and class, Brigitte did not resort to justifiable murder, but instead let Hoyt know that if he chose to listen to what Jessica said, their relationship would be over. So, in a move equally as dick-like as Jessica’s (which, I suppose, proves that they belong together), Hoyt goes after Jess, effectively ending his relationship with Brigitte.

Brigitte then calls Jason (of course!) to come pick her up, and after Jason receives yet another knock-out from Hoyt, he and Brigitte retire to his house, but not before he makes it clear that they would not be sleeping together. Surprisingly enough, despite the obvious sexual chemistry and tension between the two of them in the house, they don’t have sex. Instead, Brigitte teaches him how not to have sex with someone, and they spend the night talking, and we can already see that they will wind up together, especially with Jason admitting how much he wants kids (just like Brigitte does). After all these years, Jason still remembers Hoyt telling him that there’s something missing inside him, but Brigitte assures him that this isn’t the case, and that he’s good and kind. I’d just like to point out how true this is. Jason is so often depicted as sex-crazy, dim-witted and testosterone-driven that it’s easy to dismiss just how much of a good person he genuinely is. Chalking his period of V addiction, and brief hatred of vampires up to awful mistakes, he has often been sweet, highly protective, and all around heroic… and it was really nice that this was pointed out.

After Bill’s moronic decision to await the true death, Eric pays him a visit in an attempt to help him see reason. However, Bill insists that his mind is made up, and even when Eric brings up how much Sookie loves him, Bill assures him that his decision is all for Sookie *insert eye roll here*. His argument is that the reason they, as vampires, are so unnaturally attracted to Sookie is because of her fae light, just as she is so drawn to them because of their darkness. As such, he maintains that as long as he remains alive, Sookie will never be able to let him go, so the only way to fix that is to meet the true death. Let’s take a moment to dissect this, shall we, boys and girls?

His reasoning is that he is so in love with Sookie that he must suffer some supernatural Romeo-and-Juliet-esque martyrdom in order to prevent her from being drawn to vampires… because APPARENTLY killing himself also kills off every other vampire in the world, thereby ensuring her safety. But wait… it doesn’t work that way, does it, Billy booboo? So, instead of readily accepting the cure to ensure that he is around to protect Sookie, he kills himself off, leaving her vulnerable to an attraction to the “darkness” of another vampire who wouldn’t blink twice before draining her dry?? I swear, the logic of this show is so stupefying that I literally feel my IQ dropping every time I watch it. The only good takeaway from this mortally moronic scene was that Bill and Eric’s relationship finally seemed to cross over into a territory of (dare I say it…) friendship! And it was really, really awesome.

Eric then grants Bill a favour by speaking to Sookie on his behalf and, when this is over, he returns to Fangtasia, where a hysterical Ginger is waiting to rip him a new one for not informing her that he is now cured. Who knows if it was because he had a new chance at life, because Bill was dying, or because he’d just flown with Sookie over Bon Temps on a magic carpet ride, but Eric was in an unusually sentimental mood, and after yelling an apology to Ginger, he informs her that he will make it up to her by finally having sex with her. After years of lusting and fantasizing, Ginger finally gets her wish, and I couldn’t stop laughing at her infinite joy. Eric allowed her to play out the scene exactly how she’d always imagined it – on the throne, no less (good for you, girl) – and when they finally got to the deed, it took all of three seconds before she reached her climax, and slid to the floor in orgasmic convulsions. A mixture of her elatedness and Eric’s bemusement made for an incredibly hilarious scene.

The humour, however, was short-lived. Immediately after, when Eric enters the basement, he walks in on a scene that would have made his heart stop… you know, if it hadn’t already stopped when Godric turned him into a vampire. Chained in silver on a table was Pam, with a huge wooden stake suspended above her, while Mr Gus and the Yakuza, all stood around waiting to slice the ropes holding it up. This scene was so out of sync with the rest of the episode that it took me a moment to get into it. I mean, the last time we saw Pam, she was dying Sarah’s hair blonde again – and thank God, because I know I’ve said it before, but that brown wig was driving me fucking crazy! – and threatening to sell her off as high-priced hooker. Next thing we know, Pam is captive and on the verge of meeting the true death. May I just say that I find it incredibly irritating how often Pam has been portrayed as this weak, victim-prone captive?! Throughout this show, Pam has been the most bad-ass character of them all, second only to Lafayette (sorry, but Eric can go suck a dick) yet, this season has seen her captured more times than the Trix rabbit (Paris while Eric was having sex, the Republican fundraiser, now this). What’s worse is that, in none of these scenarios is it ever shown how she is captured… she just appears bound and surrounded, whimpering in defeat. Awful writing!

Anythisshitisbananas, Mr Gus uses Pam as leverage to force Eric to admit that Sookie knows about Sarah. He then demands to know her address, and the episode ends with Bill knocking on Sookie’s front door.

Next week is the series finale, and typing that makes me all sorts of unhappy. I really need this show to end with a bang… I’ve faithfully invested seven years in True Blood, and I demand a payoff. However, this week’s episode wasn’t much of an indication that it would. I still won’t judge a finale by its previous episode, though, and I’ll spend the rest of the week sending up petitions to the great gods of the series finale cosmos to come through for us on this one.

True-Blood-Bill-Sookie-Eric-Slap

True-Blood-Sookie-Slaps-Bill

True-Blood-Pam-Cry-Jacket

True-Blood-Lafayette-James-Hold-Hands

True-Blood-Hoyt-Jessica-Sex-1

True-Blood-Hoyt-Jessica-Sex-2

True-Blood-Make-Up-Sex

True-Blood-Eric-Ginger-Sex

4 thoughts on “True Blood Season 7 Episode 9 “Love is to Die”: My Unsolicited Review”

  1. :-O You said Eric can go … a dick?! I don’t know if we can be friends anymore. 😉

    I totally have to agree with you in the whole Pam thing, though. Why is she almost always the damsel in distress … and often due to the meddlings of Sookie? She’s too smart for that. (To be fair, she is much more bad ass in the books and never gets in these stupid situations). I so thought I had called it a few episodes ago by saying Eric would choose Sookie over Pam this season. But seems like Eric may have sold Sookie out. We shall see.

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who hysterically laughed through the entire Ginger sex scene. Cannot. Handle. It. CAN. NOT.

    PS – Billy boo-boo?! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    Like

    1. Would you believe that when I wrote that “suck a dick” line, I was convinced that you’d have my head for it?! I totally called it LOL. But, in my defense, sending Eric to suck a dick is actually kind of a turn on, so it’s not quite as savage as I’d intended. And, really, I’d only meant it in relation to him not being as consistently badass as Pam and Lafayette… I’m sorry, but he totally lost points in that field when that magic-induced amnesia made him giggle ticklishly when Sookie tried washing his feet.

      Don’t rule your theories out yet… there’s no telling if someone’s gonna die in this finale. Eric just might choose Sookie over Pam, though if he does, I’d lose all respect for him!

      And I’ve rectified my obvious stupidity, and have now included a GIF of Eric’s expression just for you, darling.

      Like

      1. *squeals with glee* What a great gif!!

        You know, I kinda wondered if you meant the Eric dig as an insult or a complement. ;-). And I can’t really have your head for it, you do have a point. Eric’s kind of been a pussy this season. What’s up with that?!

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s